Relationships – I Heart Intelligence.com https://iheartintelligence.com Thu, 24 Jun 2021 07:41:18 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.7.2 https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=wp-content/uploads/2019/05/cropped-IHI-square-32x32.png Relationships – I Heart Intelligence.com https://iheartintelligence.com 32 32 5 Types of “Quiet” Verbal Abuse https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=5-types-of-quiet-verbal-abuse/ Thu, 24 Jun 2021 07:41:18 +0000 https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=?p=88014 The post 5 Types of “Quiet” Verbal Abuse appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

5 Types of "Quiet" But Brutal Verbal Abuse

What do you think of when you hear someone talk about verbal abuse? Most people associate verbal abuse with shouting, yelling, and violence. They imagine someone talking angrily, loudly, and in a high pitch. However, in reality, verbal abuse can be quiet and subtle. In some cases, it can even be complete silence. Speaking to […]

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The post 5 Types of “Quiet” Verbal Abuse appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

5 Types of "Quiet" But Brutal Verbal Abuse

What do you think of when you hear someone talk about verbal abuse?

Most people associate verbal abuse with shouting, yelling, and violence. They imagine someone talking angrily, loudly, and in a high pitch. However, in reality, verbal abuse can be quiet and subtle. In some cases, it can even be complete silence. Speaking to Psychology Today, one woman shared her experience growing up with a verbally abusive mother:

What you have to understand is that my mother never raised her voice and when I confronted her about her treatment of me—her put-downs and criticisms, how she said I was the problem because I was too sensitive—that was the first thing she said: ‘How can you accuse me of that when I never raised my voice, not once, to you or anyone else?’ Well, abuse can be very quiet.

— Kaitlyn, 45

There are 5 types of quiet verbal abuse

1. Ignoring someone

Complete silence can sometimes be the most hurtful type of verbal abuse. Being ignored and dismissed can make you feel like you do not matter at all. When parents ignore their children, they make them feel neglected and worthless. Unsurprisingly, they grow up to have low self-esteem and no confidence. When parents are attentive, on the other hand, they send a clear message to their children: “You are important and you are loved for who you are.”

2. Eye-rolling and laughing

If a child comes back from school and tries to tell their family what a day they have had, they expect to be heard and supported. A verbally abusive parent will not offer support; instead, they may begin to roll their eyes or laugh at them. In other words, they mock them and make them feel like they are unimportant. What is worse, by doing this, some parents encourage the child’s siblings to do the same. In turn, the child becomes the scapegoat who is mocked and bullied.

3. Gaslighting

This is a common manipulation tactic that many abusers use. The term gaslighting comes from a play in which a husband tries to convince his wife that she is crazy by gradually dimming the gas lights in their house and then denying that the light is dimmer when the woman notices. In this way, he makes her doubt her sanity and question what is real. Gaslighters will deceive you by telling you that you do not remember things clearly and/or that something happened differently.

4. Hypercriticism 

There is a fine line between constructive criticism and hypercriticism. While it is completely acceptable and appropriate to give criticism and advice from time to time, it can become hurtful and abusive if it is too often and too cruel. Usually, the people who hypercriticize will tell their children, friends, or partners that they are doing it because they care about them. Therefore, they will not only make them feel as though they are not good enough but they will also make them feel guilty.

5. Lack of praise, support, and love

Parents who do not verbally express their love and support risk having their children doubt whether they are loved at all. All children need to hear that they are accepted and loved unconditionally. Otherwise, the child can grow up to feel unworthy of affection. What is more, they may become adults who feel incapable of expressing their own emotions.

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5 warning signs your partner is not emotionally ready for a real relationship https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=5-warning-signs-your-partner-is-not-emotionally-ready-for-a-real-relationship/ Thu, 24 Jun 2021 07:40:06 +0000 https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=?p=87874 The post 5 warning signs your partner is not emotionally ready for a real relationship appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

5 warning signs your partner is not emotionally ready for a real relationship

Relationships are heavily complicated and incredibly simple at the same time. In theory, all you need is to find someone who shares your views and loves you for who you are. But in reality, finding that special someone is one of the most overwhelming challenges you will ever go through. You might meet many potential […]

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The post 5 warning signs your partner is not emotionally ready for a real relationship appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

5 warning signs your partner is not emotionally ready for a real relationship

Relationships are heavily complicated and incredibly simple at the same time.

In theory, all you need is to find someone who shares your views and loves you for who you are. But in reality, finding that special someone is one of the most overwhelming challenges you will ever go through. You might meet many potential loves who are outstanding on paper but are far too immature to engage in a serious relationship.

Sometimes you try fooling yourself that your partner will change, that they will eventually start acting like functioning adults, and that they only need a little more time to appreciate you. But what if this moment never comes? What if this magical transformation you long for never occurs?

Here are 5 warning signs that your partner doesn’t have the emotional maturity for a real relationship:

1. They don’t listen. 

If your partner always talks and never listens, their emotional maturity is definitely below the level it should be by now. Someone who is focused only on their own needs can never be entirely devoted to another human being. This is quite unfortunate since devotion is what holds a relationship together.

When you have dedicated time, energy, and most importantly – love to someone, you expect them to do the same for you. Or at least you assume they will respect your commitment. But when this person doesn’t even listen to what you have to say, you feel as if none of your efforts are appreciated. You lose hope. That’s when their immaturity can kill your relationship.

2. They talk badly of their exes.

Talking sh#t about a person you used to share a bed with speaks a lot more about you than about them. It says that you are disrespectful towards the people you choose. It shows your poor level of understanding of how a real relationship works. If your partner often mentions their exes with a negative tone, not only are they not over them, but they are also struggling to act as mature adults.

Sometimes, when we are furious over something, we say things we shouldn’t be saying out loud. This includes expressing the pain caused by former partners in a toxic way. But if your significant other does this far too often, they are probably not as invested in your relationship as they claim to be. If something from the past still haunts them, and they are constantly blaming their troubles on their former partners, the problem might be hiding within them.

3. They are too self-centered. 

Being selfish, narcissistic, or self-absorbed while in a relationship can be an enormous dealbreaker. It shows that you are not mature enough to understand that romantic bonds require mutuality. To make things work, you need to be willing to compromise. However, if you are self-obsessed, you might not be able to apprehend why there are times when you need to step back.

Does your partner always want things to go their way, talk mainly about themselves, and put their own happiness above the well-being of your relationship? In case their personality is filled with suchlike narcissistic traits, they might not be ready for a serious commitment.

4. They are attention-seekers.

Some people cannot imagine not being in the spotlight. They crave attention so badly, that they often overlook the feelings of others while trying to get it. Even when they are coupled up, they are still hunting for recognition, regardless of the cost. Unfortunately, this behavioral pattern doesn’t really work in mature relationships.

When one of the partners is a chronic attention-seeker, they might often neglect the needs of their other half. The desire for admiration, which is also a narcissistic trait, can be the death of a relationship. That’s because when someone is always on the chase for validation, they spend little to no time considering their partner’s emotions, feelings, and needs. In other words, while constantly seeking attention, they risk losing a real thing.

5. They have mastered the evil art of blame-shifting.

Blame-shifting occurs when someone projects their own mistakes on others. In case your partner often plays the victim in situations where they were the ones who messed up, you need to be alert. They might be trying to manipulate you by guilt-tripping you for their own actions.

For instance, they may tell you that if it weren’t for something you have done or said, they wouldn’t react in such a hurtful way. Suchlike behavior is a huge red flag for the future of your relationship. Not only it shows that your significant other is not mature enough to commit, but it also reveals they have a controlling side.

Hopefully, you didn’t relate your relationship to the aforementioned signs. But if you did, know that you are not obligated to settle for an immature partner.

You deserve to be with someone who respects your boundaries and appreciates every single effort you make for the sake of your romantic bond. You deserve to be with someone who is ready to treat you with devotion, affection, and love. Anything else is not worth the time, energy, and emotional pain you experience while fighting for a doomed love.

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Know these 10 things before falling in love with a SARCASTIC WOMAN https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=know-these-10-things-before-falling-in-love-with-a-sarcastic-woman/ Thu, 24 Jun 2021 07:35:28 +0000 https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=?p=87759 The post Know these 10 things before falling in love with a SARCASTIC WOMAN appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

Know these 10 things before falling in love with a SARCASTIC WOMAN

Sarcasm may not be officially one of the 5 love languages that describe the concept of romantic relationships, but it is definitely a way of showing affection. If you are in love with a sarcastic woman, you might need a heads up about her nature. Here are 10 must-know things to have in mind before […]

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The post Know these 10 things before falling in love with a SARCASTIC WOMAN appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

Know these 10 things before falling in love with a SARCASTIC WOMAN

Sarcasm may not be officially one of the 5 love languages that describe the concept of romantic relationships, but it is definitely a way of showing affection. If you are in love with a sarcastic woman, you might need a heads up about her nature.

Here are 10 must-know things to have in mind before falling for a sarcastic woman

1. She knows she is sarcastic.

First and foremost, sarcastic women are well aware of their unique style of humor. They don’t need to be reminded that they are being a bit too sharp at times. They know it, and they are proud of the way their minds work. And if you can’t handle that, they will gladly show you the door.

2. She might ignore you to see if you’re serious.

If the girl you’re going for has a sarcastic personality, she will most probably make you sweat a little bit before she opens up to you. She doesn’t want to have anything to do with someone whose intentions are not authentic, so she will give you some hard time to see if you deserve her attention.

3. She seems arrogant at first, but she has a heart of gold. 

Sarcastic girls sometimes make a bad impression. They come off as mean, bossy, and quite vain. But once you get to know them, you realize that this is only a facade. They are confident and proud of who they are, but they are not as bitchy as they look when you first meet them. Instead, they might turn out the kindest human beings you know.

4. She is not the best at making the first move.

She may be great at pushing your buttons, but she will probably hesitate to take the first step. It’s not that she doesn’t want to pursue you at all – she just hopes that you will see through her sarcasm and make a move.

5. She remembers the little things. 

She might joke around and tease you almost non-stop, but she always pays attention to the details in the process. One of the reasons is that she wants to keep her puns updated. But most importantly, it’s because she values you and wants you to know that you matter.

6. She shows her love through feisty comments.

When she develops actual feelings for you, her banter game will level up. If she has fallen for you, then she has decided that you can handle her jokes. Therefore, she will most probably start showering you with salty comments, but only in a bid to show you her true feelings. Have in mind that her “I hate you” often means “I love you.”

7. She will rarely show you her emotional side.

Sometimes women use sarcasm as a way to cover up their deeply emotional souls. Every time their eyes fill with tears, they play it out as if something got in their eyes. But if you prove you are trustworthy, and your intentions are genuine, they will unveil their true colors, and you will fall in love with them even more.

8. She knows how to push your buttons.

Yes, she will definitely mess with you a lot. But she is not going to do it because she is mean or she wants to put you down. She is just playful, and she finds pushing your buttons quite entertaining. So, don’t get mad whenever she teases you. Take the joke and throw it back instead.

9. She plays it cool, but she is as soft as cotton candy. 

As already mentioned, sarcastic women are not used to exposing their emotional side. They prefer to come off as strong, independent, and resilient and keep their guard on. But while they are all of those things, they are also incredibly sensitive. They just don’t like to show this side of theirs.

10. She loves like no other. 

When a sarcastic woman is in love, she loves with every single fiber of her body. She is willing to go above and beyond for the one her heart belongs to. From the fierce girl you met, she turns into the most affectionate human being you know.

Are you in love with a sarcastic woman? What made you fall for her? Let us know in the comment section!

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How someone treats you reveals more about them than it does about you https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=how-someone-treats-you-reveals-more-about-them-than-it-does-about-you/ Thu, 24 Jun 2021 07:33:58 +0000 https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=?p=88001 The post How someone treats you reveals more about them than it does about you appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

How someone treats you reveals more about them than it does about you

When people bully and mistreat us, we might begin to blame ourselves. This is especially true if the ones who do so are people we love and trust. When we hear someone we hold dear tell us that we are not good enough, we often unfortunately believe them. The reason for this is quite simple: it […]

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The post How someone treats you reveals more about them than it does about you appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

How someone treats you reveals more about them than it does about you

When people bully and mistreat us, we might begin to blame ourselves.

This is especially true if the ones who do so are people we love and trust. When we hear someone we hold dear tell us that we are not good enough, we often unfortunately believe them. The reason for this is quite simple: it is human nature to always believe the negative (rather than the positive) things people say about us. If you are the child, sibling, partner, or friend of someone who is constantly judging and criticizing you, you are not alone.

Understand that the things they say have nothing to do with you. 

It is difficult — and sometimes even impossible — to understand that the hurtful things people say or do are not actually about you. If someone in your life makes you feel like you need to change, you do not. The things they label as problems within you are most likely problems within them. Psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Carl Jung said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” Similarly, writer Marian Keyes claimed that “The things we dislike most in others are the characteristics we like least in ourselves.”

Try to see things from their perspective.

For example, when someone belittles or dismisses your accomplishments, it may feel like they are purposely trying to bring you down. If they are always trying to one-up you by stealing the spotlight to talk about their own success, it may not be about you at all. While this behavior can undoubtedly lower your self-esteem and make you feel like you are not good enough, it is not about you! When someone belittles your successes and brags about their own, they are begging for validation and attention. Often, the people who do this have not received enough support from their caregivers. Once you understand this, you will see that their actions have nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.

Understand that the way someone treats you reveals more about them than it does about you.

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5 Reasons Why Being Single Is Better Than Being With the Wrong Person https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=5-reasons-why-being-single-is-better-than-being-with-the-wrong-person/ Fri, 18 Jun 2021 10:42:48 +0000 https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=?p=87794 The post 5 Reasons Why Being Single Is Better Than Being With the Wrong Person appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

5 Reasons Why Being Single Is Better Than Being With the Wrong Person

Being alone is better than being in a relationship with someone who does not deserve you. If you are with the wrong person, you might argue 24/7 or simply feel as though something is missing. The clearest sign, however, is that you are unhappy. When you are in a relationship that does not bring you […]

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5 Reasons Why Being Single Is Better Than Being With the Wrong Person

Being alone is better than being in a relationship with someone who does not deserve you.

If you are with the wrong person, you might argue 24/7 or simply feel as though something is missing. The clearest sign, however, is that you are unhappy. When you are in a relationship that does not bring you any joy, it is better to be alone. Even though being alone can often make you feel upset and lonely, it is not as painful as waking up to someone who hurts you every single day.

There are 5 reasons why it is better to be alone.

1. You do not wallow in regrets.

When you are with someone who does not make you happy, you begin to wonder about what could have been. This is especially true if you have been stuck in the relationship for a long period of time. Being alone means not wallowing in regrets and “what ifs”.

2. Life is too short.

Nobody is guaranteed tomorrow. Instead of waiting for a lifeless relationship to make you happy, let it go and pursue the things you are passionate about. We never know how much time we have left: use it wisely, do not waste it on a person who does not bring you joy.

3. You experience freedom and independence.

When we are single, we have the time to look inward and find out what we want. We begin to learn things we did not know and we understand what drives us. More importantly, we have the freedom to follow our dreams and do anything we want. Being alone means being independent and free.

4. You deserve to be happy. 

Just like everybody else on Earth, you deserve to be happy. Sometimes, to find this happiness, you need to cut ties with certain people. If your partner does not treat you the way you deserve to be treated, walk away. If they are loving and caring but you still feel like something is missing, it is still okay to walk away. At the end of the day, we all deserve to be with someone who makes us happy.

5. You find out what you want.

Being alone gives you time and space to reflect on your past relationships and what went wrong. What is more, it allows you to familiarize yourself with your boundaries and deal-breakers. In other words, it makes you see exactly what you want. When you learn how to be happy on your own, you will not settle for less than you want, need, and deserve.

Remember that it is always better to be alone than with someone who makes you feel unhappy.

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7 simple ways you can improve your marriage https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=7-simple-ways-you-can-improve-your-marriage/ Fri, 18 Jun 2021 10:39:07 +0000 https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=?p=87264 The post 7 simple ways you can improve your marriage appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

7 simple ways you can improve your marriage

Are you unhappy with your marriage? After years of being married, the spark can begin to slowly disappear. Although this is completely normal and something that every couple should expect, it can be dangerous. Taking this further, if spouses do not take action to reignite or keep the spark alive, they may one day be […]

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The post 7 simple ways you can improve your marriage appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

7 simple ways you can improve your marriage

Are you unhappy with your marriage?

After years of being married, the spark can begin to slowly disappear. Although this is completely normal and something that every couple should expect, it can be dangerous. Taking this further, if spouses do not take action to reignite or keep the spark alive, they may one day be faced with no other option but to simply go their separate ways. No matter how much love there is between two people, a relationship cannot thrive and survive if it is not cared for. Like everything else, it requires time, effort, and work.

There are 7 simple ways you can strengthen and save your marriage.

1. Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt. 

Do not blame your partner when something upsets or angers you. By jumping to conclusions and making assumptions, you tell your spouse that you do not trust them. When something goes wrong, let them talk. Instead of assuming the worst, let yourself have faith and trust. More often than not, you will find that your partner’s intentions were different and that they did not intend to cause any harm.

2. Acknowledge abusive behavior — and then, stop it.

Many people have toxic habits that harm their partners. It is important to note that they are not aware of their abusive behavior. The first step to changing these toxic habits is to acknowledge them. Maybe you unintentionally gaslight or emotionally abuse your partner by dismissing their emotions and concerns. Even though you may not realize this, you can be harming your marriage. Pay attention to the things you do and how they make your partner feel.

3. Be polite.

It is shocking how often couples fall apart simply because they have forgotten how to be polite and respectful. When you have been with someone for a long time, you may become too comfortable. When this happens, you stop acknowledging the things they do and say. A simple “Thank you” or “Please” can make such a big difference as they show your partner you value and appreciate them. Nobody deserves to feel taken for granted.

4. Learn to let go.

The worst thing you can do is bring up old issues when you argue. When and if you choose to forgive someone, you must let go of what they have done. Forgiving someone does not mean bringing up their mistakes when you are arguing. Discussing problems from the past poisons the present and ruins your relationship.

5. Carve out time.

To have a successful relationship, you need to make time for one another. Whether this is just one hour in the week or a long date night, you need to be alone and together. Quality time allows you to reignite the spark you lost.

6. Express gratitude.

If your partner feels like their efforts are never noticed, they may feel unappreciated. Feeling this way will undoubtedly cause issues in your marriage. Therefore, you need to make sure that you notice and acknowledge the things your spouse does. A show of gratitude goes a long way.

7. Compliment them. 

Make your spouse feel seen, heard, and appreciated by giving them small compliments. This may be something as simple as “You are so clever” or “You look nice today”. Receiving unexpected compliments will always make your partner’s day. Show them how special they are.

With a little bit of extra effort, you can save your marriage.

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Domestic Violence Can Happen to Men Too https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=domestic-violence-can-happen-to-men-too/ Fri, 18 Jun 2021 10:38:48 +0000 https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=?p=87356 The post Domestic Violence Can Happen to Men Too appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

Domestic Violence Happens to Men Too

Did you know that more than 1 in 4 men in the US will experience rape, violence, and/or stalking by a partner? It is time that we break the stigma surrounding men and domestic violence. Millions of men experience abuse at the hands of an intimate partner. However, very few report it as they fear […]

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Domestic Violence Happens to Men Too

Did you know that more than 1 in 4 men in the US will experience rape, violence, and/or stalking by a partner?

It is time that we break the stigma surrounding men and domestic violence.

Millions of men experience abuse at the hands of an intimate partner. However, very few report it as they fear that they will not be taken seriously. They do not speak up as they know that society, as well as friends and family, might mock them or make them feel ashamed. Sociologist Elizabeth Bates explains that society does not recognize that there are men who are victims, not perpetrators. Commenting on men’s hesitation to speak up, Bates claimed:

The way that violence against men is sometimes portrayed on TV or in comedy programs is in the context of humor. So we might laugh at women’s violence towards men, and that does really have an impact. There are a number of things that stop men from seeking help, like the fear that no-one will believe them or take them seriously. And the way it’s portrayed in the media and the way we talk about it can add to that fear.

If you are a victim of domestic abuse, speak up.

1. Acknowledge the abuse. 

The most important step is to understand that you are being mistreated and abused. Acknowledge that domestic abuse is not limited to physical violence. Taking this further, there are seven major types of abuse: physical, verbal, emotional, mental, sexual, financial and spiritual. Abuse can take any shape or form. If your partner gaslights, bullies, manipulates, controls, or mocks you, they are harmful to your wellbeing. When you are with someone who is toxic, you might feel afraid or threatened by them. If this is the case, acknowledge that you are being abused.

2. Do not retaliate. 

When you understand that you are being abused, it is normal to feel angry and betrayed. However, it is important that you do not retaliate. If you retaliate, you put yourself at risk. It is important to note that abusers often provoke their partners with the hopes of eliciting strong and violent reactions from them. If you react violently, they can paint you out to be the abuser and make themselves the victim.

3. Get evidence.

According to Help Guide, it may be helpful to keep a journal of the abuse you have experienced alongside dates, times, and witnesses. More importantly, you must report all incidents of domestic violence to the police. Furthermore, Help Guide notes that “medical personnel aren’t likely to ask if a man is a victim of domestic violence, so it’s up to you to ensure that the cause of your injuries are documented.”

4. Confide in someone.

If you can, confide in a trusted friend or family member. You need to understand that you are not alone and that there are people who love you. In addition to this, your friends and family can help protect you by letting you stay at their house when you do not feel safe at home.

5. Leave.

Leaving an abusive relationship can often seem impossible. This is especially true when your partner threatens to harm you (or your children) if you were to leave. In these cases, it can be helpful to keep an escape bag packed with a phone, evidence of abuse, and other important documents. To be safe, this should be kept outside of your home. In addition to this, consider seeking advice from a domestic violence program that can help protect you from your partner.

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How to Escape the Honeymoon Phase of Narcissistic Abuse https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=what-is-the-honeymoon-phase-of-narcissistic-abuse-and-how-can-you-escape-it/ Fri, 18 Jun 2021 06:28:17 +0000 https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=?p=87466 The post How to Escape the Honeymoon Phase of Narcissistic Abuse appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

What is the honeymoon phase of narcissistic abuse and how can you escape it

What is narcissistic abuse? People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) are often abusive and toxic in romantic relationships. Due to their sense of entitlement and superiority, they believe they have the right to behave poorly. What is worse, they have a lack of empathy which makes it impossible for them to feel any guilt or […]

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What is the honeymoon phase of narcissistic abuse and how can you escape it

What is narcissistic abuse?

People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) are often abusive and toxic in romantic relationships. Due to their sense of entitlement and superiority, they believe they have the right to behave poorly. What is worse, they have a lack of empathy which makes it impossible for them to feel any guilt or shame when hurting the ones who love them. As a result, their partners become subject to torment and trauma as they are manipulated, controlled, and bullied.

Often, there is a pattern to this abuse.

Christine Hammond explains that narcissists often verbally abuse their partners and then suddenly enter a calm phase for several weeks. During this time, they seem kind, charming, and caring. Subsequently, the victim forgives and forgets the abuse. However, this period inevitably comes to an end and the narcissist becomes abusive, aggressive, and violent once again. This period of calm is known as “the honeymoon phase of narcissistic abuse”.

How does the honeymoon phase feel to the abuser?

The abuser feels a sense of calm and peace after they have been aggressive and violent. Hammond writes: “For the narcissist, the release of emotional energy during a rant is therapeutic. Sometimes they are even completely unaware of what they have said or done.” Taking this further, the narcissist does not recall what they have said as, during their outbursts, they enter a type of angry dissociative state. In other words, it is due to their dissociation that they do not remember what they have said. After their outburst, they feel free.

During the honeymoon phase, victims forgive.

When their partners yell, bully, and threaten them, victims become afraid. Their adrenaline and “fight or flight” response kicks in as they feel like they are in danger. After the narcissist’s outburst, the victim will be in a state of shock for several days. They will struggle to accept the hurtful things their partner has said and they will demand an explanation or apology. Unfortunately, they will not receive this as the narcissist will not remember what they have said. It follows then that their partner will become defensive and they may even twist reality and say that they are making things up. However, once the shock and pain have subsided, the victim will begin to forgive. They will convince themselves that everything was one big misunderstanding. “They didn’t mean to hurt me”, “They just made a mistake”, and “Everybody argues sometimes”, they will tell themselves. Thus, they will forgive and stay in the relationship.

Eventually, the abuse will resume.

Once the honeymoon phase ends, the narcissist will resume their toxic behavior. This creates a never-ending cycle and pattern of abuse. Unfortunately, the honeymoon phase tricks victims into staying in destructive relationships. If you notice that you are a part of such a cycle, escape. Instead of convincing yourself that your partner is not abusive, write down everything they say during their outbursts, review this list when you begin to doubt yourself during the honeymoon phase. This list will serve as a reminder of who they really are and how detrimental their behavior is.

Although it is easier said than done, you must gather the strength to leave them. You deserve someone who shows you kindness, care, and compassion at all times. Do not settle for less.

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Some Of The Most Toxic People Wear The Masks Of Friends And Family https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=some-of-the-most-toxic-people-wear-the-masks-of-friends-and-family/ Thu, 17 Jun 2021 08:16:00 +0000 https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=?p=88393 The post Some Of The Most Toxic People Wear The Masks Of Friends And Family appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

Some Of The Most Toxic People Wear The Masks Of Friends And Family

“Don’t let negative and toxic people rent space in your head. Raise the rent and kick them out.” –  Robert Tew Toxic people are everywhere and it is highly likely that you have some of them lurking around you without even knowing it.  Sometimes they turn out to be the people we least expect and […]

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The post Some Of The Most Toxic People Wear The Masks Of Friends And Family appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

Some Of The Most Toxic People Wear The Masks Of Friends And Family

“Don’t let negative and toxic people rent space in your head. Raise the rent and kick them out.”

–  Robert Tew

Toxic people are everywhere and it is highly likely that you have some of them lurking around you without even knowing it. 

Sometimes they turn out to be the people we least expect and keeping this in mind will prepare you for potential heartache disappointment.

And while maybe you wouldn’t want to be accusing anyone of such a thing, especially a friend or a family member, you might be left with no choice eventually. They can sometimes be as toxic as people you don’t know or colleagues you’re not getting along with. Just because you’re related or you’ve known them for a long time doesn’t mean they can’t cause you harm. Even the ones we hold most dear can sometimes turn out the be the worst poison for us, as difficult as it may be to accept.

Sometimes poisonous people wear a convincing mask, and while they come across as friends, they are our worst enemies.

Overall, you should want to do everything possible to remove such people from your surroundings. They don’t have your best interests at heart and if you’re not careful you can find yourself dragged down into a ditch by them.

You shouldn’t feel guilty about weeding these people out of your life because they do you nothing but harm regardless of how close you think you’ve been with them.

Sometimes your own blood can turn out to be a backstabbing traitor and leaving them behind is the best thing you can do, unless they’re truly willing to change. And while cutting ties with people who are close to you may seem like an impossible task, if they are toxic, you have no other choice.

You should never allow people who gaslight you, manipulate you, blame you for things you have no fault in, to control you. The best thing you can do for yourself is to leave them behind, no matter how much it may hurt at first.

And just because you’re related, or you’re ‘best friends’ does not mean that you owe them anything.

You should receive back the goodness you’re given to them, and if they have nothing but poison to give you why should you waste your life on them? Those who truly care about you will never treat you this way, and you should always keep that in mind.

Just because it might seem incredibly difficult and energy-draining doesn’t mean that it isn’t something that must be done. Put your mental and physical health first and always do what is best for you. If you think about it, you are actually the only person who you can be 100% sure is by your side no matter what goes down in your life, so don’t abandon yourself in the face of toxic people.

We hope this article was of help to you. Let us know your thoughts on the topic by joining the conversation in the comments and please share if you’ve enjoyed the read.

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3 Vitally Important Things People With Chronic Illness Wish Their Loved Ones Knew https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=3-vitally-important-things-people-with-chronic-illness-wish-their-loved-ones-knew/ Wed, 16 Jun 2021 11:48:51 +0000 https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=?p=95215 The post 3 Vitally Important Things People With Chronic Illness Wish Their Loved Ones Knew appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

3 Vitally Important Things People With Chronic Illness Wish Their Loved Ones Knew

In terms of illness, chronic pain, and those we hold dear, one size does not fit all. In this article, we will look at the main 3 things most chronic pain sufferers want their loved ones to know about them. The advice and examples of personal experience are given by author Toni Bernhard J.D. of […]

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The post 3 Vitally Important Things People With Chronic Illness Wish Their Loved Ones Knew appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

3 Vitally Important Things People With Chronic Illness Wish Their Loved Ones Knew

In terms of illness, chronic pain, and those we hold dear, one size does not fit all.

In this article, we will look at the main 3 things most chronic pain sufferers want their loved ones to know about them. The advice and examples of personal experience are given by author Toni Bernhard J.D. of Psychology Today.

1. The grief we feel over the life we lost may constantly reappear.

Serious illness is one of the biggest stress producers in life. It is similar to other painful losses such as separation in a relationship or the loss of a loved one.

Grief arrives without notice and is always unexpected. At one point we can feel as if we’ve made peace with the soul-crushing loss. And then, at another, we can be overwhelmed by heartache and sadness.

Toni shared:

“A simple interaction can trigger it: For example, I thought I was done grieving about my lost career. It’s been over a decade since I had to stop working due to illness. Then, one day, I ran into a former colleague who described all the changes that have taken place at the law school where I taught. To my surprise, a wave of grief overcame me, and I had to work hard not to break out in tears in front of her. This happened even though, if I recover, I don’t plan to return to my old job. It’s a thing of the past.

The grieving process I’ve gone through as a result of chronic illness has been one of the most intense of my life. Odd as it may sound, it’s been more intense than the grief I felt when my mother died. She lived across the Atlantic and we rarely saw each other. She had a long, good life. I was sad to lose her and I grieved, but it was not as intense as the grieving I’ve gone through over the upheaval in my life due to chronic illness.”

2. Sufferers can feel as if they’re letting you down even though you’ve told them they’re not.

“I have two close friends whom I try to see each week. Both of them have told me that if I’m not feeling well enough to visit, I should cancel and should not feel bad about it. And yet, whenever I have to cancel, I feel as if I’m letting them down—even though I believe them when they say that they don’t want me to feel bad,” Toni says.

Sometimes, when we feel like we’ve let our loved ones down, we may apologize for being unwell even though it isn’t necessary.

“I find myself apologizing to my husband, my children, and close friends for being unable to join in activities with them, even though they’re not expecting me to go beyond my limits and don’t want me to,” Toni continues.

I’ve decided that it makes me feel better to apologize. It’s my way of saying to them, “I know that my inability to do a lot of things and the unpredictability of how I’ll feel on any given day is no fun for you, either.”

3. Chronic illness can trigger feelings of shame.

Toni wrote about embarrassment in an article called “Are You Embarrassed?” There she says:

“The primary reason people are embarrassment-prone is that they’ve set unrealistically high expectations for themselves and then judge themselves negatively when they can’t possibly meet those standards.”

“We don’t have to look far to see the unrealistically high expectation and the negative self-judgment that are at work here: We don’t think we should be chronically ill. We live in a culture that repeatedly tells us we should not be sick or in pain. In the United States alone, 130 million people suffer from chronic illness.”

“My loved ones accept my illness, and yet I occasionally still find myself embarrassed in front of them about the fact that I’ve been sick for so many years,” Toni shared.

“Sometimes guilt creeps in because I can feel like I’ve let them down. There’s no rational reason for me to feel guilty. None of my loved ones has ever said anything to me to suggest they think I’ve let them down. Still, I experience guilt, the painful feeling that I’ve been bad. Buddhist teacher, Jack Kornfield, says, “The mind has no shame.” He sure was right! I hope you’re able to hold his comment lightly and even laugh sometimes at your shameless mind.”

Another reason for embarrassment while chronically ill in addition to societal views that value health and physical fitness, is that it can often feel that one’s health condition should be a private matter. A big portion of our lives we keep private; so, the question is, why not illness and chronic pain? Unfortunately, most people don’t have a choice in the matter. We have to let our family and friends know why we cannot do certain things with them, cancel plans last minute, or need to suddenly rest or go home early. Instead of keeping all of this private, we’re left with no choice but to talk about it, which can cause us to feel shame.

Also, many of us find it embarrassing to have to constantly depend on our family and friends to do so many things for us, whether it is housework, grocery shopping, or giving us a shoulder money-wise.

“I know many chronically ill people who have been forced to move back into their childhood homes because they’re unable to care for themselves or can no longer afford to live independently. Having to tell others that you had to move in with your parents can not only be a source of embarrassment, but worse—shame,” Toni concluded.

Thanks go to all the kind souls who have done their research about their loved ones’ medical conditions and keep on supporting them in any way they can.

We hope this article was of help to you. Let us know your thoughts on the topic by joining the conversation in the comments and please share this article if you’ve enjoyed the read.

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