Self-development – I Heart Intelligence.com https://iheartintelligence.com Thu, 13 Aug 2020 10:01:43 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.4.2 https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=wp-content/uploads/2019/05/cropped-IHI-square-32x32.png Self-development – I Heart Intelligence.com https://iheartintelligence.com 32 32 Proven methods to recognize and overcome TOXIC JEALOUSY https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=this-is-how-to-recognize-and-overcome-your-toxic-jealousy/ Thu, 13 Aug 2020 10:01:43 +0000 https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=?p=72572 The post Proven methods to recognize and overcome TOXIC JEALOUSY appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

Proven methods to recognize and overcome TOXIC JEALOUSY

Everybody feels a little jealous sometimes; however, it is how you deal with this jealousy that can either make or break your relationship.  It is normal for feelings of jealousy to arise in relationships. Whether they are brought about by a perceived rival in the workplace or in your love life, it happens to everyone. […]

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The post Proven methods to recognize and overcome TOXIC JEALOUSY appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

Proven methods to recognize and overcome TOXIC JEALOUSY

Everybody feels a little jealous sometimes; however, it is how you deal with this jealousy that can either make or break your relationship. 

It is normal for feelings of jealousy to arise in relationships. Whether they are brought about by a perceived rival in the workplace or in your love life, it happens to everyone. While this is normal, it is important to note that your jealousy can become toxic. In other words, if you fail to control it, you can end up hurting yourself and your relationship.

How to recognize your jealousy:

Bianca Alexander has listed four ways your body responds to this poisonous emotion.

1. Your brain

According to the neuroscientist Hidehiko Takahashi, as soon as you begin to think of scenarios which ignite feelings of jealousy, “the neural nodes of fear, anger, and disgust swing into high gear”. That is to say, our brain experiences feeling hurt by others in social situations (social pain) similarly to how it would experience physical pain. What is more, jealousy also causes the brain to release stress hormones that activate our fight or flight response.

2. Your stomach 

Taking the previous point further, this fight or flight response affects your stomach too. You will find that when you feel scared of losing something or somebody to someone else, your adrenaline rises; this means that you may feel nauseous or lose your appetite.

3. Your eyes

Without even realizing it, your jealousy might be driving you to look at and compare yourself to attractive people who you see as potential rivals. This is often brought about by fear that your partner may be unfaithful or interested in them.

4. Your heart

Much like the nausea and loss of appetite, this sign is easy to recognize; when you feel jealous, your blood pressure rises and your heart begins to beat faster. This proves just how poisonous feelings of jealousy can be as they can result in hypertension and heart failure.

10 ways to overcome your jealousy:

1. Acknowledge your feelings

First and foremost, it is important to admit to yourself that you may be feeling jealous. If you fail to acknowledge your feelings, they may become toxic and destructive. Mark B. Borg Jr., Ph.D. explains this point further as he states that jealousy can be “acted out in exaggerated ways”. We often do this as an attempt to conceal our true feelings; however, acknowledging them is the first step in learning how to control them.

2. Communicate with your partner

This step is extremely important as your partner is most likely already questioning why you have been acting so odd lately. Communication will help in making both of you feel better as you will get these feelings off your chest and your partner will feel more connected to you. However, this should be done carefully as you may find yourself lashing out and blaming them instead; if this happens, you have most likely let your jealousy get the best of you.

3. Identify the cause

Ask yourself: Why do I feel this way? What lies underneath all of this? More often than not, the underlying cause of jealousy stems from not feeling good about yourself. You may have unresolved issues from your past relationships or your childhood. Alternatively, you might have low-self esteem. Dig deep – it is different for everyone. 

4. Examine yourself

Once you have identified the cause, you need to take a step back and make a plan of how you will go about working on yourself. For example, if the problem is your self-esteem, find out what you can do to address this issue. Talking things through with a therapist might be necessary if you find that you cannot do this on your own and require more support.

5. Practice self-care

Jealousy can drive you to having self-destructive thoughts and behaviors. Naturally, this will only fuel your negative feelings further and make things more difficult. Instead, find what makes you feel good and do things which promote happiness, confidence and security.

6. Let go of entitlement

Bianca Alexander notes that “as infants, we’re taught that the world revolves around us: all we have to do is frown or cry and our needs are met without having to lift a finger”. However, this feeling of entitlement can lead to numerous problems in our adult lives. For example, contrary to what you may believe deep down, maybe your coworker did deserve the promotion you felt entitled to. Let go of entitlement and realize that sometimes you just did not earn what you thought you deserved.

7. Practice detachment

In order to take control of your jealousy, you may have to practice detachment. This is true especially for those who find that their attachment to someone or something has become extreme. Feeling possessive can harm your relationship as you find yourself feeling like your partner belongs to you. Consequently, you may try to control them out of fear that you will lose them. Step back, give them space and practice detachment.

8. Work on building trust

It is unlikely that you will feel overwhelmed by jealousy if the trust in your relationship is strong. If you trust your partner, work on building this trust further. If you do not trust them, you may have to rethink your relationship.

9. Use a different perspective

Sometimes you might have to confide in a friend and see how things look from a different perspective. An objective point of view might make you feel differently and give you the reassurance that you need.

10. Stay away from social media

Today, this step can be seen as the most important one. Trying to catch your partner out or compare yourself to others will do you more harm than good. Put the phone down and practice some self-care instead.

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The Most Terrible Part Of Anxiety Is Feeling Unworthy, Unappreciated, and Unloved https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=the-most-terrible-part-of-anxiety-is-feeling-unworthy-unappreciated-and-unloved/ Thu, 13 Aug 2020 08:56:57 +0000 https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=?p=72480 The post The Most Terrible Part Of Anxiety Is Feeling Unworthy, Unappreciated, and Unloved appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

The Most Terrible Part Of Anxiety Is Feeling Unworthy, Unappreciated, and Unloved

Anxiety can make you feel terrified. It can make you feel unworthy of receiving anything good in life.  Anxiety can also be not wanting to contact the people you like out of fear that they might ignore you. It can mean missing your chance to go out on a date with your crush because you […]

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The post The Most Terrible Part Of Anxiety Is Feeling Unworthy, Unappreciated, and Unloved appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

The Most Terrible Part Of Anxiety Is Feeling Unworthy, Unappreciated, and Unloved

Anxiety can make you feel terrified.

It can make you feel unworthy of receiving anything good in life. 

Anxiety can also be not wanting to contact the people you like out of fear that they might ignore you. It can mean missing your chance to go out on a date with your crush because you feel that maybe they won’t like the real you.

Anxiety makes you feel like you’re carrying a giant rock inside your chest.

Like you’re bothering all the people around you by merely being in close proximity to them.

It makes you dread even thinking about making a fool of yourself when you socialize with others. But you should know, most of your worries come out of a fear of being rejected. You fear being told you are not good enough. You fear the judgment of others. You feel like nobody wants or needs you in their life. And you fear spending your life on your own.

But anxiety is the greatest deceiver.

It keeps on telling you that you’re unworthy of human connection. It whispers to you that no one cares about you and should just get used to being alone.

And when someone tries to show you that they truly care for you, you always doubt it. You think they are playing with you or using you to gain something. When someone laughs out loud or looks at you in a strange way, you automatically think they are judging you. And every time you go outside, you feel like there’s no place for you anywhere.

You always feel like life is passing you by because you fear to take part in any kind of novel activity or conversation.

You believe that you are simply shielding yourself from harm by staying away from people in general, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Anxiety makes you feel like no one appreciates anything you do and nobody notices your worth. It makes you feel unseen when all you need is human connection such as a simple hug or a pat on the back. Anxiety makes you feel uninspired and unmotivated. It makes you give up and ultimately kill your own dreams.

Don’t let anxiety ruin your life.

You are worthy of love. You are precious and you matter to the world.

Lift your head up, work on your self-confidence, and don’t let anxiety defeat you.

You are much stronger than you think!

We hope that this article was of help to you. Let us know your thoughts on the topic by joining the conversation in the comments and please share if you’ve found this piece of value. 

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7 traits most toxic people have in common https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=7-traits-most-toxic-people-have-in-common/ Thu, 13 Aug 2020 08:53:26 +0000 https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=?p=72483 The post 7 traits most toxic people have in common appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

7 traits most toxic people have in common

We have all suffered from the ill-behaved influence of a toxic person. At some point in our lives, we have all been caught up in some nasty little mind game where our patience and trust in people has been mistaken for weakness. But no matter how harmful this experience was, it taught us that not […]

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The post 7 traits most toxic people have in common appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

7 traits most toxic people have in common

We have all suffered from the ill-behaved influence of a toxic person.

At some point in our lives, we have all been caught up in some nasty little mind game where our patience and trust in people has been mistaken for weakness. But no matter how harmful this experience was, it taught us that not everyone comes into our lives with good intentions. Some people are there just to remind us that we should always be careful to whom we vent.

And after all the struggle and pain we go through while dealing with toxic people, we realize they all have quite a few things in common.

Here are 7 of them:

1. They are manipulative.

Usually, toxic people get what they want using vicious little mind games. They play with your feelings and manipulate you into thinking or doing whatever they want you to until they get bored and move on to their next toy. It doesn’t matter if it’s a family member or a romantic partner – all toxic people are skillful manipulators. The best way to escape from their deceitful games is not to play.

2. They never apologize.

Why would they? Being talented manipulators comes with a perk – they always know how to make things look like they did nothing wrong, even if they were in the center of everything. Somehow, they manage to enchant everyone around them, playing the ‘victim’ card, so they can get out of any situation like innocent baby angels. Until someone with a higher level of emotional intelligence teaches them a lesson and shows them their trickery cannot work forever.

3. They are judgemental.

Toxic criticism. That’s when a toxic person starts criticizing you even if they have no idea what you’ve been through. They are going to judge you even if they know nothing about you. And when they cannot find anything wrong with you, they will make things up just to crush you. That’s because bringing others down makes these immoral beings feel good about themselves in the most hideous way possible.

4. They never take responsibility.

Whether it’s about their actions or their feelings, toxic people will never admit they are responsible. Instead, they will find a way to project their feelings onto you. They will even try to convince you that you somehow provoked them, so you are to blame for their actions. What’s more, if you don’t have much experience with such people, they can also make you believe it was all your fault. Seeing you defending yourself over something they did, will only make them feel as if they can control you.

5. They need 100% of your attention.

Insecurity is one of the biggest enemies of toxic people. While treating others like toys, deep inside, they are just some scared little souls that are afraid they are not enough. Their insecurity shows especially when they force you to choose them over someone else. They want your full attention to themselves because the second you decide to spend time with someone else, they feel threatened you might actually come to your senses and realize how they have been fooling you all this time.

6. They are interested in you only if it benefits them.

It shouldn’t come as a surprise that toxic people are not caring or compassionate. Well, they might show some interest in the things that matter to you, but there will definitely be something in it for them. They can even do good, but in the end, there will surely be some other nasty reason behind their benevolent deeds. As much as you want to believe their intentions are pure, have in mind they can always deceive you.

7. They are inconsistent.

Being around a toxic person is like spending time with several different people at once. They tend to change their attitude as a girl changes clothes when she can’t decide what to wear. One minute, they can be the kindest person you’ve ever met, especially when they want something from you. And the next one, they can act as if you don’t exist. Overall, their behavior depends on what they’re trying to achieve or what they want to happen. Changing their mood so quickly is their form of personally directing their own reality the way they want it to be.

Sadly, it’s a tremendously rare occurrence for a toxic person to admit their mistakes and to be willing to change.

In most cases, their only wish is to drain every last bit of your energy until you no longer serve them. They expect you to be loyal to them, but they show no loyalty to you. They criticize you, but can’t take honest criticism themselves. And when they don’t get what they want, they act as if you were the worst person to walk on Earth.

If you don’t want to be a victim of yet another toxic human being, there is only one thing you could do.

It’s quite simple actually: Don’t play by their rules. Don’t play at all. If you refuse to follow their lead and let them manipulate you, they will have no control over you.

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To The Friends Who Have Stayed By Our Side This Last Decade – THANK YOU https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=to-the-friends-who-have-stayed-by-our-side-this-last-decade-thank-you/ Thu, 13 Aug 2020 08:45:17 +0000 https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=?p=72454 The post To The Friends Who Have Stayed By Our Side This Last Decade – THANK YOU appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

To The Friends Who Have Stayed By Our Side This Last Decade - THANK YOU

To all my friends who have always stood by me. I am extremely grateful to have you in my life.  When I look back at the many years I’ve known you, I can’t help but see that you’ve always stood by me when I needed you most. We have been through so much, both good […]

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The post To The Friends Who Have Stayed By Our Side This Last Decade – THANK YOU appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

To The Friends Who Have Stayed By Our Side This Last Decade - THANK YOU

To all my friends who have always stood by me.

I am extremely grateful to have you in my life. 

When I look back at the many years I’ve known you, I can’t help but see that you’ve always stood by me when I needed you most. We have been through so much, both good and bad… And our friendship remains rock-solid.

I am grateful for having friends by my side who would not think twice to step into the fire to help me.

Friends who always understood me and love me as much as I love them. Friends with whom we bind souls.

Needless to say, things have not always been great between us and we had our fair share of stormy times…

Sometimes we did not feel like talking and exchanged mean words. Sometimes we let each other down, and it hurt. But no matter how dark life may have gotten, we stayed friends because our friendship is much more valuable to us than anything else.

So, I want to express my sincere gratitude to you, for being so forgiving and for apologizing to me when you were the one who messed up.

Thank you for not letting your pride serve as a divider in our relationship.

My dear friends, I am immensely grateful that you are part of my life. Thank you for standing by me when I was going through the roughest periods without even being asked to do so. You picked me up from the ground so many times, and for that, I will be forever thankful. You let me hold on to you when the ground under my feet was crumbling, and your presence and words of support gave me new hope to continue.

Fate has brought us together for a reason.

We build each other up, we help each other become better human beings, and we create the most wonderful memories together.

My heart and soul are filled with gratitude. I thank the heavens for bringing you into my life. Thank you for sharing with me a decade filled with adventures and I am looking forward to many more shared decades to come.

We are living proof that nothing can destroy a true friendship. Nothing can ruin the bond between two real friends who are deeply connected on an emotional level and truly respect and love one another.

We hope that this article was of help to you. Let us know your thoughts on the topic by joining the conversation in the comments and please share if you’ve enjoyed the read.

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5 Awesome Tips On How To Increase Your Emotional Intelligence Right Now https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=5-awesome-tips-on-how-to-increase-your-emotional-intelligence-right-now/ Thu, 13 Aug 2020 08:42:05 +0000 https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=?p=72293 The post 5 Awesome Tips On How To Increase Your Emotional Intelligence Right Now appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

5 Awesome Tips On How To Increase Your Emotional Intelligence Right Now

Emotional intelligence (also known as emotional quotient, ‘EQ’) is the ability to spot and effectively handle your emotions and the emotions of other people. Your levels of emotional intelligence can greatly affect the quality of your relationships, how you manage stress, how well you communicate with those around you, and even how good you are […]

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The post 5 Awesome Tips On How To Increase Your Emotional Intelligence Right Now appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

5 Awesome Tips On How To Increase Your Emotional Intelligence Right Now

Emotional intelligence (also known as emotional quotient, ‘EQ’) is the ability to spot and effectively handle your emotions and the emotions of other people.

Your levels of emotional intelligence can greatly affect the quality of your relationships, how you manage stress, how well you communicate with those around you, and even how good you are at your chosen field work.

The importance of emotional intelligence cannot be stressed enough, and this is why we have prepared 5 pieces of advice that will greatly help you in developing your own EQ.

1. Implement an assertive style of communication

Assertive communication can do wonders when it comes to earning respect without coming across as too passive or too aggressive. People with high levels of EQ have a deep knowledge of how to communicate their viewpoints and needs directly while still showing respect to others.

2. Keep your negative emotions in check

Once you learn how to manage and reduce your negative emotions, you won’t be overwhelmed as easily. But how exactly do you go about doing this? Try the following method: If someone is making you upset, try not to jump to sudden conclusions. Rather, look at the situation from every angle possible. Try to be more objective so you don’t get caught up in negativity as easily. Practice mindfulness, and notice how your perspective on the world changes for the better.

3. Practice self-awareness

People with high EQ are naturally intuitive and self-aware. They are aware of their emotions, weaknesses, and strengths, and how these things can affect the people around them. In addition, they easily pick up on other’s emotions and body language and use that knowledge to enhance their communication skills.

4. Practice empathy

Paying close attention to verbal and non-verbal cues can give you priceless insight into the feelings of the people you interact with. Practice walking in the shoes of others and try to see things from their perspective. Words of empathy do not excuse despicable behavior, but they help remind you that everyone carries their own cross.

5. Work on your leadership skills

People with high levels of emotional intelligence have great leadership skills. They have high standards for themselves and set a good example for other people to follow. They aren’t afraid to take the bull by the horns and have strong decision-making and problem-solving skills, which, in turn, allows for better and more productive levels of performance at work as well as in life.

We hope this article was of help to you. Let us know your thoughts on the topic by joining the conversation in the comments and please share if you’ve enjoyed the read.

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If you’re not happy with your life – change it. It’s your responsibility to do so https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=if-youre-not-happy-with-your-life-change-it-its-your-responsibility-to-do-so/ Wed, 12 Aug 2020 12:00:18 +0000 https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=?p=72329 The post If you’re not happy with your life – change it. It’s your responsibility to do so appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

If you're not happy with your life – change it. It's your responsibility to do so

Your life is a mess. You cannot remember the last time you felt happy. Everything around you seems to be going against you… But you stay stuck in the same place for years, not willing to change a single thing. So, who’s to blame for the awfully unpleasant situation you are finding yourself in right […]

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The post If you’re not happy with your life – change it. It’s your responsibility to do so appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

If you're not happy with your life – change it. It's your responsibility to do so

Your life is a mess. You cannot remember the last time you felt happy.

Everything around you seems to be going against you…

But you stay stuck in the same place for years, not willing to change a single thing. So, who’s to blame for the awfully unpleasant situation you are finding yourself in right now?

Whether you like it or not, it’s all your fault. Accepting that hard truth is the first step towards changing your life and starting to live it the way you want to.

If you’re still trying to blame your melancholy on someone else, remember this:

Еverything that happens to you is a result of your own choices.

It’s not your grumpy boss, it’s not the weather, it’s not the economy, it’s you. No one else is responsible for the decisions you make. But instead of letting this bring you down, it should motivate you. Being the one responsible for your own choices means you hold the keys to your happiness. It means you are the only one who gets to choose how you are going to live your life.

Truthfully, the only thing that’s stopping you is the fear of change. Even if you’re telling yourself it’s not the right time, or the circumstances are not quite suitable, none of that is true. The truth is, you’re afraid of moving on. You’re afraid of letting go of the things and people that hold you down. You’re afraid to take a leap of faith to the unknown.

What you need to realize is that being afraid is completely normal. Leaving everything behind isn’t something that happens overnight. Starting fresh takes tremendous amounts of time, energy, and patience. But once you face your fears and understand the true power of change, you will regret waiting so long for making this vital step.

It’s actually pretty simple. If you’re not happy where you are in life – move. If you hate your job – quit.

And if you’re sick of being surrounded by toxic people – walk away. Undoubtedly, all of this is much easier said than done. However, if you take your time to process it, you will realize that it’s also not as difficult as you probably believe it is.

Choosing to leave behind the people and things whose influence is destroying your mental health isn’t selfish or mean, it’s quite necessary.

There is no way someone could be happy if they’re constantly surrounded by negativity, indifference, and neglect.

That’s exactly why you must take that crucial step towards changing your life, no matter how terrifying it may seem.

A wise man named George Addair once said:

“Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.”

These words should serve as a powerful motivation for you to at least consider changing your perspective towards life.

Try to recall the most amazing things that have happened to you in the past. If these things share something in common, it’s most probably the fact that you chose to get out of your comfort zone for a while and allowed yourself to experience something new and exciting. Because as much as you don’t want to admit it, all the great things in life happen outside of your bubble.

So instead of fearing change, you should embrace it.

And it all starts within yourself. Realizing you need that change would be a great first step of your journey.

In the end, it all comes down to finding happiness. If you’re not happy with the people around you, with the job you’ve been doing for ages, or with the place you live in, don’t blame it on the weather. Don’t blame it on yourself either. You may be responsible for the messy situation you’re stuck in now, but you’re also in charge of your own happiness. Let that sink in.

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Make your kids do sh*t for themselves so they can APPRECIATE you! https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=this-is-why-you-should-make-your-children-do-things-for-themselves/ Wed, 12 Aug 2020 11:59:08 +0000 https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=?p=72332 The post Make your kids do sh*t for themselves so they can APPRECIATE you! appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

Make your kids do sh*t for themselves so they can APPRECIATE you!

Do you feel exhausted and unappreciated after doing everything for your children? If so, then stop doing everything for them. Encouraging children to do things on their own teaches them self-confidence and boosts their self-esteem. What is more, it teaches them independence and appreciation. It is unlikely that a child will magically learn how to appreciate everything […]

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The post Make your kids do sh*t for themselves so they can APPRECIATE you! appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

Make your kids do sh*t for themselves so they can APPRECIATE you!

Do you feel exhausted and unappreciated after doing everything for your children?

If so, then stop doing everything for them. Encouraging children to do things on their own teaches them self-confidence and boosts their self-esteem. What is more, it teaches them independence and appreciation. It is unlikely that a child will magically learn how to appreciate everything that you do for them when they have no idea how much effort and time it takes.

Parents all over the Internet share their struggles and explain how hard it was for them to go from doing everything for their children to teaching them how to do it themselves.

For example, one mother explained how it is so much easier for her to clean the bathroom herself than to listen to her children moan and complain about having to do it. In addition, doing it herself will take a lot less time and be more efficient. Nevertheless, she explained, doing it instead of them solves nothing

In fact, doing everything for your children creates more problems. Yes, the children might complain and nag but at the end of the day, they learn how to become independent. Furthermore, by taking the time and putting in the effort to do something that is otherwise done for them, they grow to appreciate the work you put in. 

Doing everything for your children results in what some refer to as “learned helplessness”.

Before doing something for your child, ask yourself: Can they do it on their own? 

More specifically, ask yourself this question when it comes to chores such as taking out the trash, picking toys up off the floor and packing lunch. Although these may seem like very small tasks which can be done quickly, adding up all of these “small tasks” can end up draining you. Professor’s House comments on this as they write:  “A three year old should be able to put on his or her own shirt and pants, and should be able to brush their teeth and feed themselves”. If a parent insists on doing these things for their child – even when they are old enough to be capable of doing them on their own – they are doing more harm than good.

In other words, you are unintentionally making your child feel like they cannot do things on their own – even when in reality, this is not the case. Consequently, you run the risk of raising a child who will grow up to feel dependent and unsure of their abilities. Therefore, by making them do certain things on their own, you are doing both yourself and your children a favor; that is, you will feel less exhausted and more appreciated while your children grow to become more and more independent. 

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How yelling at your children affects them and how to stop doing it https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=how-yelling-at-your-children-affects-them-and-how-you-can-learn-to-stop/ Tue, 11 Aug 2020 07:55:21 +0000 https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=?p=71901 The post How yelling at your children affects them and how to stop doing it appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

How yelling at your children affects them and how to stop doing it

While you may think that shouting at your children encourages them to listen, this is not always the case. Parenting experts claim that yelling is only effective in the short-term; more importantly, they caution against using shouting as a way to promote discipline and long-term behavioural change. Yelling at your child is actually more ineffective […]

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The post How yelling at your children affects them and how to stop doing it appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

How yelling at your children affects them and how to stop doing it

While you may think that shouting at your children encourages them to listen, this is not always the case.

Parenting experts claim that yelling is only effective in the short-term; more importantly, they caution against using shouting as a way to promote discipline and long-term behavioural change. Yelling at your child is actually more ineffective than you may think; what is more, it can also negatively affect their behavior and mental health.

Why is yelling ineffective?

1. Yelling is not communicating

Yelling at your child does not teach them a lesson but instead, instils fear. If they cease what they are doing and comply, this is due to their fear rather than their understanding of what they have done wrong.

2. Yelling can result in rebellious behavior

If as a parent, you act in an aggressive manner, the child will likely react in the same way. Furthermore, research has shown that children with verbally aggressive parents become violent and aggressive as adults; this is because children view their parents as the models they should learn from.

3. Children can become desensitized to yelling

If a child is often scolded, they will eventually become desensitized to shouting; this means that sooner or later, your child will no longer respond to yelling, thereby making it completely ineffective.

4. Scaring is not disciplining

As previously mentioned, yelling is not communicating and consequently, scaring is not disciplining. Being verbally aggressive and frightening your child leads to breaking trust as yelling evokes insecurity when children need to feel secure.

5. Yelling has psychological effects on the child

Children who are constantly shouted at, frightened and made to feel insecure, often have trouble learning self-respect. This means that your child may become more prone and susceptible to bullying as they may struggle to stand up for themselves.

When is yelling effective?

According to experts, yelling should only be used to grasp the children’s attention in moments of urgency or danger. Dr. Laura Markham suggests: “Yell to warn, speak to explain”.

Learn how to stop yelling:

1. Identify triggers

In order to learn how to stop yelling, you must work to understand what triggers your verbal aggression. Once you find out what your triggers are, you can begin to learn how to manage them.

2. Give warnings

When you feel as though you are losing your patience, calmly warn your children that you are getting frustrated.

3. Give yourself a break

Physically removing yourself from a situation by leaving the room is sometimes necessary if you find it difficult to exercise control over your emotions.

4. Recognize when you are at fault

It takes a big person to be able to look inwards and admit that they might be the problem. If you find yourself losing your temper too often, it is worth considering that maybe there is something else stirring up frustration.

5. Apologize when you lose your temper

At the end of the day, nobody is perfect. No matter how hard we try, we sometimes lose control of our emotions. The important thing is that if and when we do so, we owe it to those we love to apologize and admit when we are at fault.

The post How yelling at your children affects them and how to stop doing it appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

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Here’s why certain people will never admit they were wrong https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=heres-why-certain-people-will-never-admit-they-were-wrong/ Fri, 07 Aug 2020 07:21:08 +0000 https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=?p=71772 The post Here’s why certain people will never admit they were wrong appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

Here's why certain people will never admit they were wrong

Some people cannot stand being wrong. They would do anything to prove their innocence, even though all the facts are pointing at them. It sure takes a big person to admit their mistakes, but for some individuals, saying they’ve done something wrong is beyond unthinkable. Of course, no one enjoys being wrong. No one likes […]

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The post Here’s why certain people will never admit they were wrong appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

Here's why certain people will never admit they were wrong

Some people cannot stand being wrong. They would do anything to prove their innocence, even though all the facts are pointing at them.

It sure takes a big person to admit their mistakes, but for some individuals, saying they’ve done something wrong is beyond unthinkable.

Of course, no one enjoys being wrong. No one likes to be told they’ve made a mistake. No one feels good realizing they’ve messed up. But some people’s reactions after they’ve done something bad show how incredibly immature they are. They start blaming the weather, the traffic, the full moon, their zodiac sign, the government. The list goes on. The point is, they intentionally accuse everything and everyone else but themselves, so they would come out clean out of any situation.

Taking responsibility for their actions feels absurd. They simply cannot admit their mistakes, even when they are painfully obvious.

But why is it so hard for some people to honestly say they were wrong?

It all comes down to their personal self-awareness. Not being able to genuinely admit they are wrong and to apologize for their own mistakes indicates their self-esteem is deeply damaged. Acting innocent when they’ve obviously made a mistake only reveals they’re trying to hide their fragile ego. It simply shows that they are afraid that accepting their fault would shatter the walls they’ve built around themselves. And once those walls are down, they won’t be able to guard their frail pride.

Sometimes, this defensive mechanism would even play with their minds. It will make them say things that are partially or not at all true. It will persuade them that everyone else is against them. And as their self-esteem is already damaged, they would believe all these voices and will do anything possible to prove they aren’t in the wrong. In a bid to defend their fake innocence, they would even get aggressive and start picking senseless fights, just to avoid admitting the painful truth.

As psychologist Guy Winch says, ‘people who repeatedly exhibit this kind of behavior are, by definition, psychologically fragile’. Sadly, they often cannot be helped, as they refuse to admit they need help in the first place.

For the other people around them, they want to support an image of a confident, bold, self-reliant person. They want to be seen as strong beings that never back down, no matter the challenge. But what they don’t realize is that denying their fault and refusing to admit they did something bad doesn’t indicate strength. Instead, it reveals their biggest weakness.

The truth is, accepting you’ve made a mistake and honestly admitting your fault takes a certain amount of emotional intelligence and mental strength.

It takes courage to face the consequences of your own deeds.

We make mistakes, we say things we don’t mean, we hurt people we love. But then, we admit we were wrong, we apologize, we make up for the things we’ve done, and we make sure we never repeat the same mistakes again. That’s how it should be.

No one is 100% perfect, and that’s okay. What’s not okay is refusing to admit you’ve messed up and holding something or someone else responsible for your own actions.

The post Here’s why certain people will never admit they were wrong appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

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Open Your Eyes, You Deserve So Much More Than What You’ve Settled For https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=open-your-eyes-you-deserve-so-much-more-than-what-youve-settled-for/ Fri, 07 Aug 2020 07:03:30 +0000 https://www.jlawjdv.nl/?man=?p=71953 The post Open Your Eyes, You Deserve So Much More Than What You’ve Settled For appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

Open Your Eyes, You Deserve So Much More Than What You've Settled For

If you’re having a hard time understanding how someone can be so heartless as to step on other people’s feelings and then just leave them behind like they’re an item unworthy of human attention, then this piece is for you.  How can someone do this to a living being? What kind of a person do […]

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The post Open Your Eyes, You Deserve So Much More Than What You’ve Settled For appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

Open Your Eyes, You Deserve So Much More Than What You've Settled For

If you’re having a hard time understanding how someone can be so heartless as to step on other people’s feelings and then just leave them behind like they’re an item unworthy of human attention, then this piece is for you. 

How can someone do this to a living being? What kind of a person do you have to be to use people without any sense of guilt and regret, especially someone who gives their entire being on a plate for you?

I, like most people, don’t know the answer to these things, but my heart shatters by the thought of you having your heart broken. I feel pain knowing that you are likely not aware of how much you’re truly worth. You have no idea how little you’re often settling for, just because you think you’re not good enough for something better.

And it hurts to see you handing out second chances to people who cannot realize how lucky they are to have you by their side.

And the truth is, maybe they never will. Human beings don’t change at a whim. Especially people like them.

Please be wary of that.

I sincerely hope that deep down in your heart you know that this person will not be able to give you what you need. They will never love you with the passion and intensity you have been craving for so long. They will always find excuses to be away from you when you need them the most.

No matter how much pain you may be in right now, you must come to terms with this.

For the sake of your own well-being.

I hope that you know that you deserve much more than the crumbs you’re currently being given.

I hope you find the courage to leave the past behind and move on toward a brighter future. I hope you find the inner strength to realize that your happiness depends solely on you, and no one else. Especially not someone who uses you and then disappears when you need them the most.

I hope you do everything possible to forget the good times you had with that person because, if the bad times outweighed them there’s simply no point in clinging on.

I hope you manage to free yourself from this nostalgic addiction. I hope you can break free from their manipulative clutches and realize that you’re much better off without them.

I hope you come to understand that there’s so much more waiting for you out there. Freedom, mental stability, peace, unfulfilled dreams becoming reality, new pathways to happiness, adventures, and true meaning in life. I hope you know that your life is meant to be lived to the fullest and not a single second should be wasted on people who don’t have your best interests at heart.

I hope you realize that even though you may feel a sense of hopelessness taking over your mind, true love is out there waiting for you.

And this love is sealed somewhere inside someone else’s heart waiting to be unleashed and embraced by you.

I hope you know that this and much more is possible only if you choose to move on and break free from the grasp of the used-to-be.

But more importantly, I hope you know that I pray for you and wish you nothing but success in finding true happiness. I pray that you find a way to heal your heart and move on in life.

Stay positive and take good care of yourself. There’s so much more for you to see and feel out there.

We hope that this article was of help to you. Let us know your thoughts on the topic by joining the conversation in the comments and please share if you’ve enjoyed the read.

The post Open Your Eyes, You Deserve So Much More Than What You’ve Settled For appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.com.

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